My mum tried to conceive me for five years, if we go back to the late 80s, she didn’t get a great deal of help and the help that was offered could have had grave consequences. My parents conceived me naturally and I joined my older brother to complete our little family.
I always remember feeling so wanted, that two people spent half a decade trying for me and seeking help and guidance. How beautiful, I thought it was that they were finally given their dream. I never really considered how those five years must have been emotionally, mentally and physically… Especially on my mum. And now, there just some of the questions I wish I could turn and ask her.
How did she cope? How did she mentally survive 60 months of feeling so depleted each time her period arrived. What kept her strong? What enabled her to keep on pushing through for five years? I guess all that matters is she never gave up.
I always imagined the fairy tale, I’d meet Prince charming, we’d fall in love, get married and have a baby. And all except the last happened. We put hopes of starting a family on hold as we dealt with multiple difficulties in life after we got married and we knew that primarily my health had to be looked into first.
Once diagnosed with Endometriosis aged 27, the question of having a baby naturally was a huge one. By 28 and a third surgery I finally got an answer, an answer I’d been praying for. My tubes had passed dye through them, suggesting I should be able to get pregnant, although my left ovary was not in the best way. So I was advised to act fast.
My naive outlook was, the minute we tried to conceive… It would just happen. Each month brought me the opposite news, and to make matters worse the news would always hit on my most painful day of the month.
We tried for a year to magic a baby, I tried so many things to help my body relax, I took folic acid, I ate right, I looked after myself inside out. We knew we had to try for a year before we’d be referred anywhere, and as we hit the year mark my life took me in the opposite direction. Chronic pain simply became too much and medication was the only answer.
The medication I am now on, means we cannot continue trying for a baby. That a pause button in our life has been pressed. We long for our baby, we cannot wait to be parents and to start the next exciting chapter of our lives. Right now, we don’t know when that will be, or what help we may require, or if another surgery may be needed on my behalf.
We don’t know, we have so many questions that right now due to covid-19 we can’t get answers to. We can’t get guidance.
I used to think trying and getting no where was the hardest, but what’s even harder is not being able to try at all.
Stop asking or assuming people are going to have children, it’s a very personal topic and you never know what people are battling behind closed doors.
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