chronic illness health wellness

To medicate or to try for a family?

For so long I’ve been against medication, very much so on a personal level. I’m very mindful of everything that goes into my body, and medication is no exception.

Having witnessed my mum’s fight with terminal illness, I learned a lot about medication and the pros and cons. How most medications have side effects that can only be limited by taking more medication. My mum managed her pain exceptionally well, and I know now she will have hidden a lot of the pain, but she also learned how to cope without taking heavy pain killers.

I tried taking pain relief for a while last year, but when medication didn’t help at all and only gave me side effects; I decided against it. A choice of addictive pain killers that do nothing but have negative side effects or take nothing with no risk of addiction or side effects. The choice was a clear one for me (at that point in time).

After seeing a pain management specialist last summer, I was recommend to start taking a medication that could impact the pain signals coming from my brain into the rest of my body, the disruption is believed to then limit the pain felt within the body. This medication categorically could not be taken, if you were planning to start a family.

At the time, I wanted nothing more than to start a family and therefore the medication was simply not for me. The same went for any pain medication connected to nerve pain, or opiods. I had to exist in a fully natural state and endure every bit of pain my body threw at me.

For a long time, the end goal out weighed the living in chronic pain… A baby would change everything, and then I could look at pain management in the least impactive way. But life had other plans. A baby at this time was not part of our destiny. Although we tried, with endometriosis we know that fertility will always be a difficult and delicate subject for my husband and I. Nevertheless, we both firmly believe that when the time is right, our miracle will happen.

As my pains grew more unbearable and life became more difficult, I was reluctant to ask for help as I knew that help would come at the greatest sacrifice of all… Pausing my plans, my hopes and dreams of a family.

As the fibromyalgia flare from hell hit, my dad reminded me that sometimes we have to take a step back in order to achieve our greatest goals. My husband agreed that my health far outweighed any plans of the future and I had to be in the best place possible to ultimately fulfill our dreams. I was so thankful to have an understanding support system around me.

The next day, my doctor uttered similar words as I sat in tears. I didn’t want to accept that the medication I’d declined, was now going to be the thing to magically ease my pains… And I’d been the reason for the delay. I didn’t want to press pause on my plans for a family and I didn’t want to have to surrender to the pain and admit enough was enough.

But enough, certainly was enough and I’m six days in to my decision to start taking medication. A decision I was fully supported in taking.

Pressing pause on plans is difficult, but something chronic illness has made me all too used to. That doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt, when your whole life for months and months on end has been focused on trying for a family. Tracking every ovulation, urinating on stick after stick with no positive outcome and then getting a monthly reminder that you’re not pregnant; have all been extremely difficult things to comprehend, heartbreaking in fact! There have been a lot of set backs, and I just need to remember that this is just one more.

                   A pause on tracking life, whilst I catch back up on health.

The bigger picture is one with health and wellness, where I can easily carry my own body and weight without discomfort; meaning I’m in the best position possible to do the same for a little miracle. This isn’t the end of the book, this is just a new chapter and the rest is still unwritten.

Xox

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