My first mother’s day, without my mum.

There’s not an hour of the day that passes where I don’t think of you, my head is still trying to process the fact your not here.

There have been so many firsts already in the past 7 months, all of our birthdays, your birthday and Christmas. I can’t say celebratory days currently give me a want to celebrate, but I do, because you wouldn’t want me sat missing out on life.

Mothers day, on the otherhand, is a day inescapably creeping upon me and I’ve never dreaded a day so much. From the onslaught of advertising online, TV, radio, print, shops, bus stops everywhere I’m currently reminded that for the first time ever I don’t have a mum to share this day with. Sunday will be one of the hardest days todate, as the world around me proudly wish their mums the best day ever and give thanks for all she’s done.

I used to write essays each year across social media, which now, I realise could have been completely insensitive to those around me, who couldn’t celebrate that day… But I guess until it happens your perspective doesn’t always change. The difference being, for the last five mothers day, my mum was terminally ill. I knew time and celebrations were limited and I knew how fortunate I was to have gotten both of them. We made the most out of everyday, and that’s all that mattered.

I celebrated my mum on the normal days, not just on the days we’re society dictated that we must do. I made her know every day how much I loved her, how much I’d do anything for her, anything.

The firsts are always the hardest, that much is true. I guess a part of me just always thought I’d watch both my parents grow old together, whilst I knew very well the reality of the situation, while she was here – there was always hope.

Cherish your mum today and everyday, and check in on those who may be finding the day difficult. It only takes a minute, and I’m sure it would mean the world to them.

My darling mum, brother and I.

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